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driftinginninesFandom: Star Wars: Expanded Universe, Legacy of the Force
Characters: Tenel Ka, Jacen Solo/Darth Caedus
Word Count: 1069
Date Finished: July 14, 2010
Author's Notes: I can't write happy fanfictions with them anymore can i CAN I??? I need to. Also, "The Royal We" by Silversun Pickups was on heavy rotation here, as you can tell.
Look Over Your Shoulder
For the first time, he was scared of what he was becoming.
He was sitting in the royal bedchambers of the Fountain Palace on Hapes, slouched over and naked next to the Queen Mother herself, who was sleeping peacefully under an ivory sheet.
He was staring at her. A hand drifted out and floated over her mess of copper hair, fingers dancing down her collarbone. She shifted slightly, exhaling in her sleep. He had been cold. When his fingers touched her skin, some sort of warmth radiated throughout his body. He had always felt like that when he touched her. He used to feel that way all the time. Warm... alive. Now though, now everything was cold. Frigid. Unless he was in the Fountain Palace with the doors locked and his gloves off.
Stifling a noise of disapproval, he slid off of the sheets and welcomed the cold air that hit his body. He almost reveled in it as he stumbled around near the bed, feeling around for his pants. Once he grabbed them and began to put them on, he straightened up and peered to the Queen Mother again. She hadn't moved.
His eyes stayed on her as he rounded the bed towards the windows. Normally he would've been making mental notes on how gorgeous the gardens looked at night or how many stars and planets he could see from the balcony. But his mind was always other places lately. Tonight it was locked on the single reason he woke up.
The dream he had. She had yelled at him, shoved him away when he got near her. She had her lightsaber. They had been fighting. She had turned on him, betrayed him after he told her his plans. Screamed at him after her told her about his Aunt Mara. He told her the reasons why he was doing everything he had done. He trusted her. He figured she would listen to him -- join him, even. She trusted him, right? Loved him?
His head snapped back, turning away from the windows to look at the Queen Mother once more. She was still sleeping. She was on her side facing the windows, facing him. He could see her moving ever so slightly with each breath she took.
He loved her. He had fallen in love with her so many times. The first time they had been on Hapes together, when she stepped forward to kiss him on Myrkr, when she introduced him to Allana... the times swirled through his mind and always filled his heart to the point where he felt it might explode in his chest. His breath would catch in his throat the first time he would see her after they had been apart for some time. His hands always found their way to her skin, his arm around her neck or her waist, when they were seated alone together.
She loved him too. She told him that.
So he knew that his dream wouldn't play out. It was just a stupid little worry. She would listen to him and agree with him. Maybe not at first; she was a stubborn girl. But he knew he could turn her around. They loved each other.
Their words from the dream echoed in his head.
"We want no part of this!"
"We?! What, is this the Royal We now? Have you suddenly joined with your precious backstabbers against me?"
She had said nothing.
"I love you! I want the best for you and Allana. They just want you dead. And that's how it'll always be, Your Majesty."
He had absently meandered over to the bed and hovered over the Queen Mother, his eyes glazed over as he stared at her peaceful form. His reverie was broken when he heard a sharp intake of air across the chamber.
When he shifted his gaze to where the noise had originated, he saw a little girl. Their little girl. She was standing in the doorway that led back to the refresher and past that, the little one's room. The place where he had first met her.
"Allana..." he whispered.
He began to round the bed again, slowly approaching the doorway she was silhouetted in, but she took off back towards her room. He could feel the alarm she was experiencing, seeing him in her mother's bedchambers. She didn't know he was her father. Not yet. When the Queen Mother agreed to his plan, he knew that was when he would talk to their daughter and tell her everything. Tell her who he really was and how he cared about her so much that he was fixing the galaxy so that she could grow up in a safe environment.
His forward motion stopped when she scampered off and he stood there for a moment, staring to the empty doorway before turning back towards the bed and creeping back into it, sliding across the sheets to warm his skin against the Queen Mother's body. She finally moved again, shifting against him, her back to his chest, and he responded by planting a lingering kiss behind her ear. She turned around to face him and settled in his arms.
As he stared at her nestled in his grasp, he suppressed a grimace. He could see her currently peaceful visage twisting into that angry, flushed mess he saw in his dream; wet with sweat and tears. He told himself he would never see that in reality. She might get a little frustrated with him, naturally, but it would never come to the screaming match and subsequent fight his dream had held.
No. He wouldn't let that happen. She was going to rule by his side. She was going to help him fix the galaxy for their daughter. She was going to help him or he would be forced to take drastic measures
Drastic measures.
He inhaled deeply, the smell of the Queen Mother's skin and hair filling his head. When he exhaled, his breath skated across her cheek and down her neck.
"Jacen..." she murmured.
He placed a finger over her lips. That wasn't his name anymore. But she didn't have to know that. He was sure she would find out soon enough. Dragging his finger away, he planted his lips against hers and quieted her, keeping her from saying that name again.
That was the last time he was scared of what he was becoming.
